Some Tough Questions

April 28th, 2021

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My wife says I’m naturally stoned, that I don’t need to partake of cannabis. I agree, I tried it before and it not only took me away from reality but had me racing through Oz, Neverland, Narnia and much weirder locales. It didn’t give me time to focus. Too many chickens and squirrels distracting me.

In my line of work, (rural mail carrier) I get a lot of time to let my mind wander. I find myself asking lots of important questions. For example: Why would a cemetery receive packaging and shipping catalogs? How does one decide to be a proctologist?

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Speaking of Arseholes, the cheap toilet paper we get to use at the Post Office is made by a company called “Envision”. Why…what am I supposed to envision?

Ground Squirrel

Would masks worn on the other end of cows reverse climate change? It’s probably a good thing I’m on a gravel road in the middle of nowhere when these questions come to mind. My thoughts might get me in trouble otherwise.

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Does Bigfoot get excessive toe jam? What is the square root of 5,493? Okay, that last one, I was just kidding. Only a nerd would ask a question like that! By the way, who invented the pocket protector?….. It was Hurley Smith, the patent was filed in 1943! I love Wikipedia!

Why is there so much fear of a virus that kills less than one percent of those who catch it, yet people test their fate daily to find excitement?

Cowboy Poker
Kayaking Kootenai Falls
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I find myself asking lots of how-to questions. How do I start a cult? How does one write a How-To book? How can I become a chicken whisperer? I could consult Terry on that one.

The question I ask the most is: How could anyone spend their whole life in the city and never experience the wide-open spaces!

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Flathead River Breaks
Point of Matts Hill - Irvine Flats
Heron Sunset
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